no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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