Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
