just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
