Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just threw up on my dentist
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize