HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
