her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
