Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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