you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
