someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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