i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
