I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
