my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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