theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
