For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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