Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
