i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
