but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize