Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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