I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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