I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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