but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
