It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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