you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
