Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
