Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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