so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
