HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
