Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
