and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
