I think my fart just growled at me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
