At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize