so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Still dying that you shit outside
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
