i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
