There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I look better un-naked...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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