Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Someone signed my nipple.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
