i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
