Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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