Whod you bang
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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