shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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