So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
