her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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