i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
