My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
