my shit smells like andre
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
that may or may not have been my penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
