my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
