Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
