Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
