Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
