I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
