Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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