roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
