I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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