Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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