im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
