Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
