wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
