awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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