i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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