Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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