Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
