he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
