I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
