alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
