my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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