Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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