They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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