I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
