We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
