That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't deserve a penis
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
