Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
