I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize