how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
