If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
