How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just tell him i said nine months
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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