don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize