Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
