margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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